The Leather Suitcase

I am ready to leave the house, dressed, prepared and my mind racing ahead. I open the door and let my eyes see the horizon quickly, feel the weather. It’s a bit cold and foggy. I step through the door and turn to pull the door shut, use my keys to lock the house up, and rattle the door to see if it’s really closed.

I turn towards the world again to start walking as intended, but stop to focus on the shape, which appears a little left to where I would step next. Barely to be seen in the fog, but becoming clearer as my eyes try to understand what this is in front of me. The shapes of a suitcase are becoming clearer.

It doesn’t sit on the ground, but floats a couple of inches higher, ready to be clutched at the handle. It is an old suitcase of brown leather, worn, the edges are hold with metal clasps to keep it together. You can see scratches and worn up patches, but it’s still sturdy and radiates confidence to carry your belongings safely.

I step closer and it doesn’t move away, just floats silently over the ground. I am hesitant to put my hand on the handle, but I know I will try. A little fear, a knot in my stomach, but no inner voice to hold me back.

The handle is made of leather as well and I anticipate it will be warm. I take another step closer, now nearly at the suitcases side. My fingers slowly bend around its handle. My senses are affirmed, it feels warm and secure the moment I put my fingers carefully around it, mentally ready to lift up weight and to have triggered anything to explode, lash out, let it dissolve or fall down. My fingers now are firmly tight around the handle. Nothing moves, warmth starts floating through my fingers to my hand and then slowly spreading through my body. And with it, all the fears dissolve and my stomach, my heart, and my soul are filled with certainty and security. I can’t determine what it is, but if feels so good and so un-destroyable. No weight at all. I am easy and wonderful weightless.

We are lifted up by a light breeze, weightless but with stability. We are high above the ground now, further above the tree line, further above the mountains. My mind reminds me to hold on, but my heart knows: I won’t be falling. I am daring to open my eyes wider now and allow me to look around consciously.

We are fast, I don’t know where we will be going, but it doesn’t matter. I am filled with the idea of going anywhere, just be on my way to somewhere. I don’t need to know where the ending is, what the goal will be. I could wander weightlessly forever like this. Just the movement counts. It is what I need right now.

We are crossing some places, some known, some of them unknown places. Some where I wonder if it might be worth to come back. Some places I don’t want to stop and others I would love to discover more and go deeper right now. This is not the time to stop, this is the time to feel and understand. Feel the endless possibilities, the open space ahead of me. I have time, time to feel whatever my heart wants to feel and wherever my heart wants to go and see. I cradle this feeling inside of me, to be safe, to be weightless and to have the option of endless discoveries.

We are now lowering a little bit, we are above mountains, above the tree line. The oh so familiar trees, the woods which give security, the nature where all fears dissolve and where all negative feelings are pale. We are above a foggy area now and I know my feet will be touching the ground soon.

I am standing again and my fears, that the suitcase might be gone when I awake does not materialize. It sits there besides me, now standing firm on the ground.

I lift up my weightless leather suitcase, turn towards the door and carry it inside the house. 

Christina-Marie (February 2021)